Recently in my ever changing and evolving life I have been enjoying writing a lot more, creating a simple gateway to help expand access to wisdom, delivered in little nuggets, making BIG IDEAS for daily life more accessible. This for me is a way to fuel my own creativity, to learn and develop myself, while also cultivating a fulfilling existence based around self mastery, creative development, and meaningful loving relationships.
The purpose of my writing, which I have called Brian Food for Daily Life is simple. Provide an accessible gateway to wisdom that expands human consciousness, offering brain food for life from the great minds throughout human history.
The idea is to provide access to BIG IDEAS in the form tasty little nuggets to read, providing practical ideas for daily life with a humorous twist, for people who want to better understand themselves, life, and how to cultivate a fulfilling existence.
In addition to writing about great minds and big ideas however, I am also keen to intertwine some more personal journal entries, and little stories about those who really matter to me and the impact they have on my life, while thinking about what that may mean for the lives of others in similar situations.
Last week on LinkedIn I posted that it was my partners birthday and how lucky I am to have the support of such a wonderful person while also being so engaged with her amazing children, all of whom have added so much to my life and you can see pictured below.
This is all something I never imagined I would experience, and to be blessed at this stage in my life journey with such a uniquely supportive and understanding partner, on a continuing journey of positive transformation, gives me great joy and happiness.
This morning however, I want to share a recent conversation with my partner that she articulated for me about the challenges of being a single mum, dealing with childcare, and trying to move forward in a career all at the same time. This is something she discussed with friends and colleagues to see who is struggling and why. A few thoughts on this you can read below.
Kicking off, according to the Money Advice Service, the average cost of a full-time nursery place in the UK is £263 a week, and £138 a week for part-time care (though these figures will look alarmingly low to parents in London and the south of England). So if you have two young children, and require full time care, that’s an average of £526 – or not far off the median salary of £585 a week.
One person who worked for a SME, and took home an average salary of £30k/annum, stated that after she had paid bills as well as her travel to work and childcare costs she was left with £15! After the children were above 2 years of age, they received 16 hours free childcare which helped a little but still, they were lived on the breadline; holidays and exciting days out were unaffordable.
Another joined in and said that she had to leave her job of 6 years as Residential Home Manager due to the fact that childcare was too high, and having 3 children just meant that she was in fact out of pocket each month. Her partner wouldn’t give up his job even though she was the main bread winner which left my friend feeling like she had sacrificed well over decade of her life. She knew having children would require her having some time off but not to that extent. Soon resentments started to seep in as well as depression due to lack of sense of self and eventually their relationship broke down.
Following that, trying to get back into work as a single mother was a nightmare. The only jobs that catered to her needs of school runs and school holidays were cleaning positions or night shifts stacking shelves in supermarkets which was soul destroying knowing she had more to offer and the salaries of those jobs would pay for their existence rather than living. Childcare prices, which is even more extortionate in the summer holidays, prevented her from pursuing her career. She’s currently looking at WFH positions which some companies have started offering but they are few and far between.
A number of women from the immediate LinkedIn network also raised the issue, especially during the pandemic. According to the Fawcett Society, 35% of working mothers lost work or hours due to a lack of childcare support during the pandemic.
Unfortunately for us mums, the UK has the second most expensive childcare system amongst the richest countries. Between 2012 and 2022 UK childcare costs increased at twice the rate of wages – 35.6% compared to 17.8%. One third of parents using childcare say their childcare payments are bigger than their rent or mortgage.
In reality, when faced with the decision of either pursuing a career and ultimately paying for expensive childcare or being unemployed and staying at home, often the math doesn’t work out in favour of returning to work.
Like with so many challenges in the UK right now, things are not likely to improve by continuing to do what was always done, and expecting a different result. When I talk about Positive Transformation and creating Brighter Better Futures, dealing with the core issues in society that prevent hard working motivated people from getting a hand up, not a hand out, must be high on an agenda for positive change.
On a very personal note, one of the things that drew me to my partner Yasmin is her incredible story of drive, resilience and an ability to be positive and relentless in extreme circumstances. When we first met, I was immediately consumed by who she is and what she does every day. When I also then understood what an incredible journey she had been on, while raising three children as a single mum having returned from a war zone, yes, an actual WAR ZONE, I was lost for words, humbled and inspired all at the same time.
So this one is dedicated to my partner Yasmin and her wonderful children. In the continuing quest to positively transform my own life, you are a living demonstration as to why we should all seek to understand who people truly are, behind how we may perceive them, without first knowing their real story, true character or their fundamental human nature.
I certainly know I am a very lucky human being, and I am incredibly grateful to find such a perfect and wonderful partner and to experience everything that goes hand in hand with that relationship. A true demonstration in my own life, that the most beautiful flowers in every respect, can only be found after wading through life's mud. No shit, No Flower.
Let's end however with a question for us all as we approach a new year.
How is it as we move in to 2023, in one of the richest country’s in the World, women who are motivated, intelligent, resourceful and creative beyond what many of us can imagine, are literally being forced by a broken system into unemployment, or to be the “stay at home wife” and sacrifice their dreams as well as their sanity?
On a final note, when I speak about having a perfect partner, it is not that anyone is perfect, life is hard, we all have our flaws and challenges. Perfection is knowing that you have found someone or something perfect for you, not "perfect" as an ideal.
Get in touch with me via the Website, LinkedIn, TwitterTwitter, and Facebook to share your little nuggets of wisdom and your personal stories of BEING RELENTLESS, BEING YOU, and how you are creating an OPPORTUNITY MINDSET on your own exciting life journey of Change, Positive Transformation, Growth, & Personal Development.
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